A Most Harsh and Desolate Place

Beaches are some of the most inhospitable places on earth - for wildlife that is.

Every British summer, a pilgrimage of monumental proportions takes place across the British Isles — providing, that is, that the sun is shining: the beach holiday. To sandy shores near and far flock thousands upon thousands of sunbathing visitors, each staking claim to their own 3x3m territory of sand with their beach towels or deck chairs. It is a scene fairly reminiscent of those beaches in the South Sandwich Islands crammed full of elephant seals and penguins, each defending their rights to a small patch of the shore. Though thankfully on British beaches, beachgoers are not literally climbing on top of one another — like the penguins do — to reach the sea or violently attacking trespassers like grumpy elephant seals.

Beaches are places humans have flocked to for hundreds of years. Something about the juxtaposition of sand and sea magnetically pulls us, provided the necessary factor of hot weather is in accompaniment. Some of us even fly to distant shores to enjoy the three Ss of sand, sea, and sun — much, perhaps, to the chagrin of the residents of Mallorca, Ibiza, and Tenerife. But no matter where the beach is, as long as there is a city or town nearby and the sun is shining, the masses will be there. The thought of sandcastles and sun bathing, swimming in the sea and licking ice cream, triggers our “beach reflex”: a yearning after the coast. Nowhere, perhaps, is this beach relax stronger than in the UK. We are a nation of fully fledged beach lovers. Which, it must be said, has a somewhat unintentional effect on our coastal environments — it contributes to their desolation. Of wildlife that is.

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The fear of man is in the beasts. Where the masses are, we can expect wildlife to be few and far between. And this is most certainly the case. On the few times I have found myself in the uncomfortable situation of being on an over-crowded beach,¹ I can firmly attest to the general scarcity of anything resembling “nature”. Apart from gulls. Lots of gulls. Pirates of the sky, which have taken to terrorising unsuspecting tourists, stealing their chips, ice creams, and more. Wasps, too, seem to be attracted by myriad jam sandwiches and ice creams and join with the gulls in their aerial assaults on arm-flailing tourists. It is somewhat ironic that the two creatures attracted by masses of tourists are those which annoy them the most. Nature likes to remind us of its presence — with a sting in the tail.