I should really hang a warning sign over my innocent looking promotional posts, right? ;-)
Illich's thought has this capacity to go off like a depth charge, shaking the foundations, leaving us changed. Often it's a single statement, like this, whose implications ripple outwards. (Here's another example: 'All through history, the best measure for bad times was the percentage of food eaten that had to be purchased.’)
In recent months, I've found Bonhoeffer's contrast between "cheap grace" and "costly grace" echoing through my thinking, a pattern that shows up in so many places. Here too, as you've drawn out so clearly, what Illich is speaking against is "cheap care", and for a sense of the costliness of care as love in action.
And yes, to take this seriously is to be brought back to our limitations, the smallness of a human body and a human lifetime. The need to stop trying to be God, in order that we might participate in the being of God.
Thanks Dougald, I think most of your pieces should come with a profundity (not profanity!) warning attached :)
Bonhoeffer's distinction impacted me when I first came across it - and knowing the history of the man adds weight to what he said - he lived it.
I am part of an online reading group of pastors (I snuck in as a non-pastor!) who are reading The Technological Society. Next on the list is Tools for Conviviality - I can't wait to discover what depth charges are hidden in there!
Beautifully written. Perhaps this is the real meaning of "charity begins at home": it doesn't end there, but really noticing what people are going through, and taking action to help in a considered way, is crucial. Love, and care, involves action, not just words.
Thanks Katy, I think you have hit the nail on the head with your thoughts on "charity begins at home". I think to my own life, every Christmas when I was a wee boy, my parents would take a few pounds out of my bank account and would go and buy toy cars for children in Kenya. It was a simple act, but it instilled in me a charitable heart (and a love for Africa) from a young age - character traits that have thankfully grown and matured.
Great essay, and I appreciate the time you took to write it. What this brings to mind for me is Ender Wiggin. "In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him." This was the purpose of the Speakers for the Dead as well, that in order to really show care for someone, they would communicate both the good and the bad; the full, real essence of the person. Care and love go hand in hand, and are neither simple nor should be referred to flippantly.
Thanks for this reflection. And thanks for offering another way of thinking—alternatives to both the hardened hearts of shrugging shoulders and the manic clicking of 'likes' and 'cares'. This matter really does ask for a hard look at my own limits and values.
As i have been reflecting on this Illich quote - its not left my head for a number of weeks - i have been comforted by the fact I do not need to be involved, have an opinion, or "care" about everything. I am not able to, or meant to. Instead, focusing on one or two issues (in my case, the plight of traditional farmers, and poverty in Kenya and Uganda - as well as matters of wildlife conservation) is immensely freeing, although also demanding as I now see if I am to truly care for these individuals it will demand much of me - wisdom, money, time, words. Embracing limits here is both joyfully freeing, and taking up a burden at the same time. A paradox!
The myth of Unlimited has destroyed the human, or at very least utterly alienated us from our Life Giving Place
It’s slightly tangential but contemporary wars over free speech illustrate this. We have come to take that to mean ‘say what i like on the internet’, but that is Unplace. A place of no responsibility. Whereas words delivered to those we see and know, in place, are not so free, they are limited by Care for the relationship. Free Speech as currently defined assumes no relationship of necessary Care for the other.
I also read Dougald’s post and remembered the Illych quote, perhaps via your initial response? Ive used it as a conversation starter, or stopper with folks i know. We see each other differently when we do this.
As i read your post i heard myself say, ‘and all around us the fields fall silent. As another respondent said, “Charity (Care, Attention) begins at home” in the immediacy of what is
And then I realised my wife had been talking to me for a couple of minutes . . .
Such encounters as you recall here are instances of Reality breaking in. Like the Light in Plato’s Cave, it comes from a place we’d forgotten. One Must follow that Light whilst you have it.
Again a slightly different description- we recently took a holiday on a Narrow Boat. As part of our induction (it being 40 years since we’d last been on the canals) we were shown The Anchor. Setting out as we were on The Aire and Calder, if we didn’t pay attention (at 4mph) we might get swept towards a weir. The owner said, “if you need to, throw it out and then get the hell out of the way” Its stuck with me.
When you drop anchor everything moves around you, the world changes. Unconscious of the flow, and dangerously so, you STOP.
Rooted in something unseen yet always present your life takes on a new meaning.
We look to things unseen
(How much do we miss if even at 4mph we’re swept along?)
“Let us not say that we have cared until we truly have”
The shock which the negative answer to a question “Don’t you care about…?” gives the reader, comes mostly from the specific meaning of the negation “I don’t care” in the English language.
While “to care” implies attention, responsibility and involvement of own resources (“I care about my family”), “I don’t care” is not a mere lack of involvement. “I don’t care” associates with indifference, callousness, hard-heartedness, egoism.
Do I care about the invaded Ukrainians, bereft Israelis, Palestinians bombed indiscriminately, indigenous people struggling with climate change?
Not in the way the front-line medics, humanitarian aid workers and climate activist do. But I cannot say “I don’t care”, because it is the clique in the Kremlin who do not care about the lives of people of their neighbouring nation (and of their own, too), it is a terrorist Hamas group who do not care about the lives of the slaughtered, the abducted, and their families, it is Israeli rage-driven government and military who do not care about people: children, women and men, patients and medics, killed under the rubble of their homes, hospitals and shelters. It is big companies who care only about their profits, not about the local communities.
What is the proper word for what I do, if it is definitely not an “I don’t care” attitude, and not a direct involvement and help, too? Can a subtle difference between “caring for” and “caring about” help? “Care for”: look after, usually with strong feelings, take direct care of; “care about”: be interested, concerned, compelled to consider. Even if I don’t *care for* someone or something, I dare to say I can *care about* them.
My little and distant care starts with trying to obtain true information. No news feeds on any social media, only trusted platforms of professional journalism.
The care about less aggression in the world begins with a restraint from calling my annoying neighbour names (maybe I annoy him too, and maybe he also chooses civility over confrontation.) With a smile to a stranger instead of a stone face. The way we spend money or choose to travel may show care about the challenges of climate.
We can care for a limited number of people, let’s be brave to care about many.
Thank you for writing this Jacek, it is an important distinction you make between "caring for" and "caring about" (which like you say is what I would equate with concern. I had not thought about the statement "I don’t care" which has a sense of wilful indifference - that was insightful.
What this has all taught me is to be much more careful and reserved about using the word "care". It is a loaded and precious word that I in no way want to cheapen.
Nov 9, 2023·edited Nov 9, 2023Liked by Hadden Turner
"In fact, perhaps it would have been better of us to not give to the next urgent sounding cause and instead commit to giving regularly, sacrificially, and long-term to one or two on-going and chronic issues, giving them not only our time and money but also our attention — becoming an expert in what we care for."
I love that you go a step further from "we are only finite and can't care about everything, so be selective!" to..... we should be selective in our limitations SO THAT we can better get acquainted with, be a student of, give toward, pray for, be of use in an ongoing way, change aspects of our own lives as needed.
Really great piece. I went through the second part of the essay twice! And I was going to bring up the book When Helping Hurts, but you got to it in the footnotes. :)
Thanks Haley! Always good other people have had a re-read
When Helping Hurts was one of those "cognitive cold blasts" for me when I came across it a few years ago - it made so much sense, but was also a painful read as it shone the light on how much of my previous giving had been fulled by a saviour mentality and pride.
This is great, Hadden. Ever since my children were in high school and supported a local chapter of "Meals on Wheels", I have continued to follow their progress and make contributions. This has meant that a relationship has formed, which is far more meaningful to me than supporting every appeal that crosses my path or grabs my attention. But this aside, your article is a powerful reminder that true caring involves a degree of fellow-feeling, suffering and deep identification with the circumstances of those we claim to care for. In this, you have challenged me to examine myself. Thank you.
Thanks Leanne, your relationship to the Meals on Wheels is exactly the kind of commitment and involvement that there needs to be more of.
And hello from Graaff Reinet! I have had lots of experience of load shedding when I was in Knysna - and also a 2 day complete power outage when a transformer blew!
It occurs to me that visiting South Africa and experiencing the difficulties that people are facing—especially those who don't have the means to get around the load shedding and water issues—is also what caring is about. I hope you will share your impressions of Knysna and Graaff Reinet on your Substack.
Thanks Leanne, I agree. Experiencing first hand the hardships makes one more thankful for the stability one experiences back home and helps one to empathise.
And I hope to write some reflections from my time here. I have an idea for a post looking at the Woodcutters of the Knysna forest.
Truly powerful essay here Hadden. I'm printing this to keep it with me. You are an inspiration and I appreciate your encouragement to love and truly care for our place.
Because we don't, we won't, and apart from any tacked on moralistic shoulds and guiltings or judgments and performatives, the honesty of forthrightly not caring has the virtues of a cleansing spring breeze. Even if it is honest corruption or complicity because those are just other names for being a living person who eats and shits.
Who has truly cared? Remember all the things Illich said about those who try to "help." Doing something is generally worse than doing nothing when it involves money and technology and big systems or proxies at scale. So do nothing, and do not care, and maybe you will find what small ways you can properly care at a human scale.
I should really hang a warning sign over my innocent looking promotional posts, right? ;-)
Illich's thought has this capacity to go off like a depth charge, shaking the foundations, leaving us changed. Often it's a single statement, like this, whose implications ripple outwards. (Here's another example: 'All through history, the best measure for bad times was the percentage of food eaten that had to be purchased.’)
In recent months, I've found Bonhoeffer's contrast between "cheap grace" and "costly grace" echoing through my thinking, a pattern that shows up in so many places. Here too, as you've drawn out so clearly, what Illich is speaking against is "cheap care", and for a sense of the costliness of care as love in action.
And yes, to take this seriously is to be brought back to our limitations, the smallness of a human body and a human lifetime. The need to stop trying to be God, in order that we might participate in the being of God.
Thanks Dougald, I think most of your pieces should come with a profundity (not profanity!) warning attached :)
Bonhoeffer's distinction impacted me when I first came across it - and knowing the history of the man adds weight to what he said - he lived it.
I am part of an online reading group of pastors (I snuck in as a non-pastor!) who are reading The Technological Society. Next on the list is Tools for Conviviality - I can't wait to discover what depth charges are hidden in there!
Beautifully written. Perhaps this is the real meaning of "charity begins at home": it doesn't end there, but really noticing what people are going through, and taking action to help in a considered way, is crucial. Love, and care, involves action, not just words.
Thanks Katy, I think you have hit the nail on the head with your thoughts on "charity begins at home". I think to my own life, every Christmas when I was a wee boy, my parents would take a few pounds out of my bank account and would go and buy toy cars for children in Kenya. It was a simple act, but it instilled in me a charitable heart (and a love for Africa) from a young age - character traits that have thankfully grown and matured.
Great essay, and I appreciate the time you took to write it. What this brings to mind for me is Ender Wiggin. "In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him." This was the purpose of the Speakers for the Dead as well, that in order to really show care for someone, they would communicate both the good and the bad; the full, real essence of the person. Care and love go hand in hand, and are neither simple nor should be referred to flippantly.
That is a marvellous and deeply challenging quote, Owen. Thank you so much for bringing it to my attention. I'm going to write that one down.
Thanks for this reflection. And thanks for offering another way of thinking—alternatives to both the hardened hearts of shrugging shoulders and the manic clicking of 'likes' and 'cares'. This matter really does ask for a hard look at my own limits and values.
Thanks Tom,
As i have been reflecting on this Illich quote - its not left my head for a number of weeks - i have been comforted by the fact I do not need to be involved, have an opinion, or "care" about everything. I am not able to, or meant to. Instead, focusing on one or two issues (in my case, the plight of traditional farmers, and poverty in Kenya and Uganda - as well as matters of wildlife conservation) is immensely freeing, although also demanding as I now see if I am to truly care for these individuals it will demand much of me - wisdom, money, time, words. Embracing limits here is both joyfully freeing, and taking up a burden at the same time. A paradox!
As humans we are limited
Limits make us human
The myth of Unlimited has destroyed the human, or at very least utterly alienated us from our Life Giving Place
It’s slightly tangential but contemporary wars over free speech illustrate this. We have come to take that to mean ‘say what i like on the internet’, but that is Unplace. A place of no responsibility. Whereas words delivered to those we see and know, in place, are not so free, they are limited by Care for the relationship. Free Speech as currently defined assumes no relationship of necessary Care for the other.
I also read Dougald’s post and remembered the Illych quote, perhaps via your initial response? Ive used it as a conversation starter, or stopper with folks i know. We see each other differently when we do this.
As i read your post i heard myself say, ‘and all around us the fields fall silent. As another respondent said, “Charity (Care, Attention) begins at home” in the immediacy of what is
And then I realised my wife had been talking to me for a couple of minutes . . .
Such encounters as you recall here are instances of Reality breaking in. Like the Light in Plato’s Cave, it comes from a place we’d forgotten. One Must follow that Light whilst you have it.
Again a slightly different description- we recently took a holiday on a Narrow Boat. As part of our induction (it being 40 years since we’d last been on the canals) we were shown The Anchor. Setting out as we were on The Aire and Calder, if we didn’t pay attention (at 4mph) we might get swept towards a weir. The owner said, “if you need to, throw it out and then get the hell out of the way” Its stuck with me.
When you drop anchor everything moves around you, the world changes. Unconscious of the flow, and dangerously so, you STOP.
Rooted in something unseen yet always present your life takes on a new meaning.
We look to things unseen
(How much do we miss if even at 4mph we’re swept along?)
Brilliant piece.
“Let us not say that we have cared until we truly have”
The shock which the negative answer to a question “Don’t you care about…?” gives the reader, comes mostly from the specific meaning of the negation “I don’t care” in the English language.
While “to care” implies attention, responsibility and involvement of own resources (“I care about my family”), “I don’t care” is not a mere lack of involvement. “I don’t care” associates with indifference, callousness, hard-heartedness, egoism.
Do I care about the invaded Ukrainians, bereft Israelis, Palestinians bombed indiscriminately, indigenous people struggling with climate change?
Not in the way the front-line medics, humanitarian aid workers and climate activist do. But I cannot say “I don’t care”, because it is the clique in the Kremlin who do not care about the lives of people of their neighbouring nation (and of their own, too), it is a terrorist Hamas group who do not care about the lives of the slaughtered, the abducted, and their families, it is Israeli rage-driven government and military who do not care about people: children, women and men, patients and medics, killed under the rubble of their homes, hospitals and shelters. It is big companies who care only about their profits, not about the local communities.
What is the proper word for what I do, if it is definitely not an “I don’t care” attitude, and not a direct involvement and help, too? Can a subtle difference between “caring for” and “caring about” help? “Care for”: look after, usually with strong feelings, take direct care of; “care about”: be interested, concerned, compelled to consider. Even if I don’t *care for* someone or something, I dare to say I can *care about* them.
My little and distant care starts with trying to obtain true information. No news feeds on any social media, only trusted platforms of professional journalism.
The care about less aggression in the world begins with a restraint from calling my annoying neighbour names (maybe I annoy him too, and maybe he also chooses civility over confrontation.) With a smile to a stranger instead of a stone face. The way we spend money or choose to travel may show care about the challenges of climate.
We can care for a limited number of people, let’s be brave to care about many.
Thank you for writing this Jacek, it is an important distinction you make between "caring for" and "caring about" (which like you say is what I would equate with concern. I had not thought about the statement "I don’t care" which has a sense of wilful indifference - that was insightful.
What this has all taught me is to be much more careful and reserved about using the word "care". It is a loaded and precious word that I in no way want to cheapen.
Of course, ‘being a student’ once upon a time meant ‘to attend to with love’
"In fact, perhaps it would have been better of us to not give to the next urgent sounding cause and instead commit to giving regularly, sacrificially, and long-term to one or two on-going and chronic issues, giving them not only our time and money but also our attention — becoming an expert in what we care for."
I love that you go a step further from "we are only finite and can't care about everything, so be selective!" to..... we should be selective in our limitations SO THAT we can better get acquainted with, be a student of, give toward, pray for, be of use in an ongoing way, change aspects of our own lives as needed.
Really great piece. I went through the second part of the essay twice! And I was going to bring up the book When Helping Hurts, but you got to it in the footnotes. :)
Thanks Haley! Always good other people have had a re-read
When Helping Hurts was one of those "cognitive cold blasts" for me when I came across it a few years ago - it made so much sense, but was also a painful read as it shone the light on how much of my previous giving had been fulled by a saviour mentality and pride.
This is great, Hadden. Ever since my children were in high school and supported a local chapter of "Meals on Wheels", I have continued to follow their progress and make contributions. This has meant that a relationship has formed, which is far more meaningful to me than supporting every appeal that crosses my path or grabs my attention. But this aside, your article is a powerful reminder that true caring involves a degree of fellow-feeling, suffering and deep identification with the circumstances of those we claim to care for. In this, you have challenged me to examine myself. Thank you.
Thanks Leanne, your relationship to the Meals on Wheels is exactly the kind of commitment and involvement that there needs to be more of.
And hello from Graaff Reinet! I have had lots of experience of load shedding when I was in Knysna - and also a 2 day complete power outage when a transformer blew!
It occurs to me that visiting South Africa and experiencing the difficulties that people are facing—especially those who don't have the means to get around the load shedding and water issues—is also what caring is about. I hope you will share your impressions of Knysna and Graaff Reinet on your Substack.
Thanks Leanne, I agree. Experiencing first hand the hardships makes one more thankful for the stability one experiences back home and helps one to empathise.
And I hope to write some reflections from my time here. I have an idea for a post looking at the Woodcutters of the Knysna forest.
Very thought provoking to say the least
Truly powerful essay here Hadden. I'm printing this to keep it with me. You are an inspiration and I appreciate your encouragement to love and truly care for our place.
Ah! that is marvellous to hear, Derek - and reminds me I should get in the habit of printing essays off more (no better way to read them)
Thanks for this. I resonated with every word.
Better: "Let us say that we do not care."
Because we don't, we won't, and apart from any tacked on moralistic shoulds and guiltings or judgments and performatives, the honesty of forthrightly not caring has the virtues of a cleansing spring breeze. Even if it is honest corruption or complicity because those are just other names for being a living person who eats and shits.
Who has truly cared? Remember all the things Illich said about those who try to "help." Doing something is generally worse than doing nothing when it involves money and technology and big systems or proxies at scale. So do nothing, and do not care, and maybe you will find what small ways you can properly care at a human scale.